I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
