did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
