She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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