Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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