We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize