he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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