Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize