dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
