it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
