Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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