You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
operation harelip BJ is a go
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
