Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
