So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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