I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
