Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
