I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
