1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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