i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
