So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
