who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
