I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize