The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
