i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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