My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
