Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
