i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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