I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
