hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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