His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
