one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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