I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize