i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
