Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
