OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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