Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize