fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
