That's intense
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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