this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
BRING THE BAGELS
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
