One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
