Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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