why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You're like the curious george of whores
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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