I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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