Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
