I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
