I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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