its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize