god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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