You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
