Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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