i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
