Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
they're like a gay fantastic four
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
