ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
