Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
