Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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