he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
