I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
