I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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