I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
