This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
