it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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