New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
