Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
