I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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