I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
