This is not my ceiling
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
