If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Let's get the cat blown out
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
