please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
