My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
