she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
