Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
