We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
