At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
