so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
