what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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