I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
