I hate your face
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
