i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
