I faked an abortion last night.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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