hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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