I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
