so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize