well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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