I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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