At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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